Why Is Grief Worse at Night?
- Sarah Gilbertson
- Oct 14
- 4 min read
Grief isn’t only about death. It shows up after all kinds of loss:
The sudden death of someone you love – like my brother, whose absence still catches me off guard
The quieter grief of losing parts of yourself – such as after injury or illness
Or even the loss of routines, roles, and identities that once made life feel familiar
Different losses, same truth: when night falls, grief can feel heavier. With distractions gone, your nervous system left raw, and silence pressing in, what you’ve managed in daylight often swells in the dark.
If you’ve ever wondered “why is grief worse at night?”, you’re not imagining it. Here’s why it happens – and what can help.
Why Grief Is Worse at Night: Why Night Feels Harder
Fewer distractions – During the day, errands, work, and conversations act as a buffer. At night, the noise drops away, leaving more space for the thoughts you’ve been holding back.
Loneliness and absence – Even if you’re not alone, evenings highlight what – or who – is missing. An empty bed, disrupted rituals, or the loss of an old identity can ache more sharply after dark.
Exhaustion – Grief itself is draining. By night, your body and mind have less resilience, so emotions can hit harder.
Anxiety about tomorrow – Quiet hours often stir “what if” and “how will I cope?” thoughts. Without the scaffolding of daytime, worries can spiral.
Sleep disruption – Insomnia, restless waking, or vivid dreams are common in grief. Poor sleep then feeds a cycle of fatigue and heightened emotion.
Further Reading: Sleep Foundation – Grief and its effect on sleep
How Grief Shows Up at Night
Nervous system states – As therapist Deb Dana explains, grief isn’t a tidy sequence of stages. It’s your nervous system shifting between safety, mobilisation, and shutdown. At night, with fewer cues of safety, you’re more likely to tip into hyper-alertness or collapse into deep sadness.
Rumination loops – Nights are when the brain processes the day, and grief can dominate that “sorting” process. Thoughts replay on a loop, often louder in the silence.
Loss of co-regulation – In daylight, we regulate through others: conversation, shared presence, even small social moments. At night, that co-regulation is harder to access. Without it, the nervous system feels more alone.
Megan Devine, author of It’s OK That You’re Not OK, puts it simply:
“Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.”
At night, carrying can feel heavier – which is why it helps to find small anchors that remind your body it’s safe enough to rest.
What Helps When Grief Feels Heavier at Night
Allow what you feel – Pushing grief away often keeps the body on high alert. Naming or noticing the feeling (“this is sadness”, “this is loneliness") helps your nervous system soften.
Calming rituals – Gentle, repeatable routines signal safety. Reading, journaling, stretching, or soft music can become anchors that ease the transition into night. Claire Bidwell Smith, author of Conscious Grieving, calls these “rituals of presence” – small acts that remind you you’re still here.
Grounding techniques – When grief overwhelms:
Place a hand on your chest and breathe slowly
Notice five things in the room that can help orientate you
Hum or sing softly – sound is a surprisingly powerful way to calm the vagus nerve
Reach out – Even a short message exchange, or writing to someone you trust to send later, can break isolation. Grief isn’t meant to be carried alone.
Seek support if nights feel unbearable – If sleeplessness or overwhelming sadness persist, speak with a GP, therapist, or bereavement service. Help is there, and you don’t have to wait until you’re at breaking point.
Useful Information: NHS – Mental health services and urgent help
Living With Night-time Grief
Grief can feel worse at night because the buffers fall away and your nervous system is left to carry what daylight diluted. You’re not broken for finding nights harder – you’re human.
The goal isn’t to erase grief but to widen your capacity to hold it: through rituals, breath, connection, and small anchors that steady you until morning.
If tonight feels heavy, know this: even in the dark, your body and heart can find ways to rest, however small.
About Sarah
Sarah Gilbertson is a Therapeutic Coach and founder of FlourishWell Coaching. She works with women navigating midlife change, recovery, and confidence - helping them understand their nervous system and rebuild trust in themselves.
With a background in movement teaching and ski coaching, Sarah brings a grounded, body-aware, body-first approach to emotional health.
You might also like to read:
The Grief You Didn’t Know You Were Carrying – how hidden grief shows up in midlife without us noticing.
You’ve Bounced Back – But Your Body Hasn’t – why recovery can leave you feeling fragile, even when treatment is over.
It’s Not Burnout. It’s Bandwidth – when life feels too tight, and what your nervous system is really telling you.
Comments